let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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