you're like a bully in the Christmas story
4 words: hood of his car
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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