Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
