so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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