fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
