I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I did not marry a roomba.
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