I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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