Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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