She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
