Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
