Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
