I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
