I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
