i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
