her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
