so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
