hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
