Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
