Someone shit on the floor
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
