giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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