Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
