I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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