Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
