so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
