Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
