So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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