can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize