Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
