sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
