Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My feet surprised me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
