it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
