I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
