You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
