he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
