There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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