I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
