I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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