Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
