Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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