So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
