Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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