Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
