how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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