i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
