Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
