just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
