3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
