He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
