im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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