you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
