i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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