Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
