He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
