New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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