Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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