God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
